Bagwaji: The Aftermath

I really must apologize to all my imaginary readers, for it has been far too long since I've posted.  I had intended to regale you on a daily basis with lively stories of my time spent on Drummond Island, but while I was there my days were so full of inspiring events that I found myself physically and emotionally exhausted each night and too drained to write.  Then I came home only to discover that all manners of crap had hit the fan in my absence and it has taken me a full month to settle everything down again.  I guess it's true; when the mama's away, everything falls apart.

As I've spent the last few weeks sorting through the mess on the home front, I have had plenty of time to think about my experience on Drummond Island, and how it ties into my life at home.  I have much to say!  I think it is the complex combination between conceit and self-doubt that characterizes every great writer; therefore I must be awesome, for I believe I know everything you need to know about understanding life, yet doubt I can convince you with my words.  I have no doubt of my superior intelligence, but fear I am not smart enough to make you understand.  See?  I told you it's complex.  The good thing, though, about having imaginary readers, is that I can also imagine you are listening to me and allowing me to positively alter your thinking, that through my words I can lead you to a better way of living with a deep understanding of what really matters.

In my great mind, I am imagining you asking right now, "What does really matter, Kiki?  Enlighten me, please".  And so I shall.

During my time away on Drummond Island, members of my own family were conspiring against me to take away the one thing that mattered most to me after God and my family: my job.  Having worked in the family business for 8 years, I was devastated to learn that I was being cast aside, my efforts wasted.  I loved my job and spent some time feeling hurt, unappreciated, and a bit lost.  To be honest, I wallowed in depression and self-pity.  Then the most wonderful thing happened!  I got angry.  I stopped entertaining thoughts of self-doubt and worthlessness and began taking ownership of my pride at what I had accomplished during my time in the family business.  I take no satisfaction from the belief that the family will come to understand how much they need me, but neither do I want to see the business fail in my absence.  I simply don't care what happens there.  It is time to move on.

But what am I moving towards?  It can be anything!  My extended family members don't know it, but they just did me a favor.  I have put off being the best person I can be because I was so busy trying to be the best family member for them.  But now, maybe I can become someone they will be proud to call their sister-in-law, someone they will know and understand as a person with something to give.  Before that can happen, I need to go away for a while.  I need to find a place where none of this matters so much, a place where I can redevelop my goals and my passions, my interests and dreams.

I need to find a place like Drummond Island.  My time on DI was nothing like I imagined it would be.  It was infinitely better!    But you'll have to check my next blog for the story, because in my imaginary world I have nothing but time to write, and my imaginary readers have nothing but time to read, but in the real world I have to do the laundry.  I can't wait to tell you my story and enlighten you to what matters most in life!